


Little Jokes

by tappyoca (orphan_account)



Category: British Comedy RPF, Taskmaster (UK TV) RPF
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Drinking, Fluff, M/M, Oral Sex, Smut, but enjoy lovelies, i mean like one drink but still, i see how time works and yeet that away, this was a very self-indulgent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-23
Updated: 2019-09-23
Packaged: 2020-10-16 22:55:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,919
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20610725
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/tappyoca
Summary: Jon was used to people making jokes about his under-average height, but why was it so special when it came to Greg Davies?sorry for the shit summary lol





	Little Jokes

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first smut AND my first work over 1k lmaoo, hope you enjoy and sorry for any grammar mistakes

Jon Richardson’s never been a tall man, and as everyone knows that fact, everyone, especially Greg Davies, teases him about it.

It started on that one episode of Cats Does Countdown, Greg was on his team which enviably led to many jokes about the height difference. “I just…. I like a little, small guy” started Greg, eliciting laughter from the audience. “I like a sort of people I can just hold like…” he continued, making a cradle with his arms before making an odd yelling noise, bringing up more laughter, this time coming from the panel as well.

“Well you’re not that much bigger than Jon, are you?” said Jimmy. Greg looked at Jimmy in disbelief for a moment before saying

“are you alright Jimmy? Of course I am, I could carry Jon out of this room like a rolled up carpet.” That statement then again caused roars of laughter. Jon wasn’t totally sure how he felt about the comments, did they hurt? Maybe, were they funny? A bit, yeah, did he…. like them more than one should? Yes, yes he did.

After the show Greg approached him “hey Jon, I’m sorry if those jokes were a little hurtful” he apologized.

Jon stared at Greg for a moment “hurtful?” he laughed. “They were hilarious! No need to apologize” he continued with a smile.

Jon then spotted a look of relief on Greg's face “wanna go for a drink Jon?”

"Sounds lovely."

\-----------------------

It then happened again when Jon went onto the second series of Taskmaster, many offhand jokes about his height from all of the contestants this time too, and again, he didn’t mind them one bit, but he enjoyed them when it came from Greg, and only when it came from Greg.

In the days between episode shootings he thought about why he liked Greg —a tall, thick, broad man, calling him small, or tiny, or little— caused him so much enjoyment, it only took him around 2 hours, and half a bottle of red wine to realize what type of enjoyment it really gave him.

“Oh fucking hell” he cursed, panting lightly, grabbing tissues to clean himself. “That’s so-! Like-! Ugh!” he yelled at himself. “He’s your friend! You can’t think about him like that!” He continued. A little part of his brain supplied him with a marvelous response of ‘oh but you clearly can think of him like that, you just did’ which he responded with slamming his hand down onto a counter them angrily gripping his hair and groaning. Jon stewed is his anger for a little bit, thinking about what he did, subconsciously letting pieces of what started what he did slip in as well, he then decided to try and distract with some telly. He re-corked his bottle of wine, put it away, then walked to his TV and plopped on his couch, he flicked through a couple channels when his phone started ringing “hello?” he answered.

“Hey Jon!” he heard the cheery voice of his good friend Lucy Beaumont through the phone. He and Lucy did date for a short while, before mutually deciding to split ways when he started to realize girls wasn’t really his thing.

“Hello Lucy, how are you?”

“Oh I’m going well, how’s Swindon?”

“It’s how it always is, not to be rude, but why are you calling?”

“Oh! Was wondering if you wanted to have a little get together, invite a couple friends and go out for drinks.”

“Oh, sounds lovely, when do you plan to do this? I got a couple gigs coming up this week.”

“I was thinking we could do it next weekend, Roisin and I were chatting about it a bit, maybe invite someone along.”

“I’ll make sure to, amd next weekend sounds nice, pretty sure I’m free, I’ll text you when I’m sure.”

“Alright! Cheers Jon, talk to you later.”

“Okay, cheers.” He let out a deep sigh after hanging up, knowing he’d probably regret agreeing to go out with Lucy and all her friends, they’re wonderful and all, just a bit too much for his tastes. When he turned back to his TV he noticed a rerun of 8 Out Of 10 Cats was playing, a rerun of an episode with Greg, which made him quickly turn of the telly, not wanting to reflect on what he did only an hour earlier.

\-----------------------

When the weekend for Jon to go out started to come around he then started to think about calling someone to invite them along “who should I invite” Jon said, talking aloud to himself as he ate a snack. “Russell? No, he’s busy, Sean? No, he wouldn’t want to go for drinks, hmm who else?” Jon then stopped when he spotted one name, Greg Davies “oh nooo, Jon, that’s not a good idea,” he said, worrying a slight bit. “Oh, but maybe I should, he’s a good lad.” It took only a few seconds of contemplation before clicking and the contact.

“Hello?” Jon heard the crisp voice of Greg ring through the receiver.

“Hey Greg, would you want to go for drinks with a couple of friends this weekend? Like Saturday-ish?”

“Ooo, Jon’s getting out and about” Greg laughed. “That sounds nice Jon, I’m free.”

Jon almost swooned before he caught himself “that’s great, I’ll tell Lucy” he answered.

“Alright then, see you Saturday.”

“See you then, Greg” right when he hung up, he did a little happy giggle, then immediately slapped a hand over his mouth. Looking at his blushing face in the mirror he cursed “oh get a bloody hold on yourself Jon, nothing’s going to happen you twat.” He caught his breath before ringing up Lucy to inform her on the plans.

“Hello, Jon” Lucy answered sweetly.

“Hello, Lucy, just calling you up to tell you I’m bringing along Greg on Saturday.”

“Greg Davies?” She questioned.

“Of course, he’s the only Greg I know.”

“Oh don’t get cheeky now” she scolded. “And I’ll tell Roisin the plans, see you Saturday then, we’re meeting at the pub on Millers street.”

“The Golden Oak?” Jon asked.

“Just that” Lucy answered nicely. “See you there at about 9:30.”

“Sounds good Lucy, see you then” he said before hanging up. He looked at the bag of crisps he was eating, a delightfully painful salt and vinegar, deciding on whether or not he wanted to continue to eat them. Once her decided that no, he didn't want them, he put them away nicely in his larder and pondered if he wanted to go for a walk or have a wank, he went for the former, maybe he’d get off after the walk. Jon slipped on a pair of shoes and strolled out his door, making sure he locked it, and then went off down the street, carefully mapping out his steps. He looked around at his surroundings, spotted a couple walking a dog, the dog was very cute looking, a fluffy, little, white Westie looking thing, happily toddling along in front of its owners. When Jon looked up to see the dog's owners he felt a bit sour, seeing two people manage to look so happy, feeling like he’d never be able to achieve that, he immediately turned around when the thought wandered into his mind.

Heading back home Jon felt very conscious of what he was doing, calculating his steps, feeling out his posture, feeling oh-so self-conscious because of one pitiful thought. Once he got home he kicked off his shoes and flopped onto his couch, all a sudden miserable because of his annoying overthinking mind. Jon thought a bit if he really was in the mood to jack off, then deciding against it he settled down for a quick nap.

\---------------------

When Saturday finally rolled around Jon was slightly regretting going out, not just because he was tired, but because he invited Greg Davies along, the man he used to satisfy his dirty fantasies just a few days prior, “I am so fucked” he groaned to himself. After scrolling through Twitter and Instagram for a few hours Jon checked the time, only 5:00, he lightly sighed and debated whether he’d make himself dinner now or eat at the pub in 4 hours, his stomach answered the question for him with a loud grumble. He strolled to his kitchen looking around for something to make “ooo, what about a nice chicken curry” he sang to himself, pulling out the different ingredients for his curry. While he stirred around the pot he had full of spices and chicken he heard his phone bing from a text message, he laid the stirring spoon down and went over to check “oh a text from Greg” he observed. He opened the notifications to read it:

** Greg Davies:** Hey little man, what time are we meeting at the Golden Oak tonight?

**You:** Lucy said to come around 9:30 **You:** Do you want to meet there or go together?

**Greg Davies:** I’ll pick you up, your house is on my way

**You:** Okay, thanks Greg, see you then

Jon felt a bit giddy as he set down his phone, going back to his curry and seeing that it's ready. Once Jon finished eating he checked the time again ‘only 6:15’ he thought to himself, sighing ‘what should I do? he then asked himself, and his dick gave him a little bit of an idea. He quickly cleaned up his dishes then rushed to his room, he grabbed the tissue box and a bottle of lotion and set them down onto his bedside table, he unzipped his trousers and pulled them down along with his pants, teasing up and down his length to get it up. Jon squirted a bit of lotion onto his hand before stroking himself, he searched around his brain for some material to get off to, being too lazy to grab his phone and look something up. It only took him a few moments to supply him with the image of Greg towering over him, making his own hand become Greg’s, slowly stroking up and down, squeezing lightly at the base and swirling his thumb around the tip, Jon paused for a moment looking at his other hand, he’d heard men talk about it feeling good so why not try it. He rubbed a bit of the lotion onto his left hand and let it trail down, stroking a bit at his balls before fully making it down to his hole, he bent his knees up to give himself better access, the image of himself in this position made him blush, but then the thought of Greg seeing him in the position made him take the dive and push his middle finger into his asshole. Jon squeezed a bit around his finger, the intrusion felt weird but not unwanted, pushing his finger in a bit farther he started to speed up his strokes again, Jon wiggled his finger around and then hit a spot in him that made him almost come, “oh fuck!” He yelled curling his toes. He continued to massage that spot, panting hard and bucking his hips, he then started to think about Greg again, having his big hand wrapped around his pulsing cock and a thick finger pushed deep into his tight hole. Jon only managed to stroke himself a couple times more before he came over himself with a, in his opinion, whorish moan, “ahhhhngg shit” he cursed. He pulled his finger from himself with a slight wince, reaching over for some tissues to clean himself up.

When Jon had tidied himself up he went back into his living room to wait, a bit shamefully, for Greg to pick him up. About an hour and a half later Jon heard his doorbell ring, he popped up and quickly ran to his door, throwing it open “hey Greg!” He greeted cheerfully.

“You’re awfully happy” joked Greg, a bit of a surprised look on his from both Jon’s aggressive door-opening and his cheerful attitude.

“Eh, I’m just happy to go out with my friends” Jon answered with a kind smile.

Greg smiled softly back, “shall we be going?”

“We shall.”

\---------------------

When Jon and Greg arrived at the pub they saw that Lucy, Roisin, and a couple of their other friends had already made it there, “Jon! Hey!” he heard Roisin call out.

“Hey Roisin” Jon greeted with a polite kiss to her cheek.

“Ah, I see you broughy Greg! Hello” Roisin then said, turning her attention to the towering man.

“You guys go sit down, I’ll fetch us some drinks,” said Jon, lightly shooing them off. He walked over to the bar and ordered 2 pints of beer for him and Greg, seeing that everyone else had drinks. Jon grabbed the beers and carefully walked towards the booth everyone was sitting in. “There’s no room for me” he pouted once he set down his and Greg’s drinks.

“Eh just sit on me” Greg offered, causing Jon to blush and be thankful for the low lights in the pub.

“Alright then” Jon accepted, awkwardly clambering onto Greg’s lap, leaning against the table. “Your legs are very cushion-y” said Jon offhandedly, bouncing a bit to emphasize the cushion causing the table to erupt with laughter. The night went on and Jon and managed to shuffle his way much higher onto Greg’s lap, to a position that was comfortable to him, but pretty uncomfortable for Greg seeing as Jon was quite the wiggler.

Greg took a deep breath before setting his hand on Jon’s thigh, leaning up to his ear to say “stop wiggling, unless you want something to happen.” That immediately caused Jon to freeze, a blush quickly rising up on his face.

“What if I do?” questioned Jon, turning towards Greg.

“Then I suggest we make a quick exit” Greg smiled, squeezing Jon’s thigh.

“H-hey guys, Greg and I are going to leave” Jon announced turning to the rest of the table, sliding off Greg’s lap. The rest of the table said their goodbyes and Jon walked to the bar to pay the tab, he looked around for Greg before seeing him at the door and rushing towards him.

“Shall we leave” said Greg rhetorically.

“We shall” answered Jon as he was ushered through the door by Greg. “Should we head back to mine?” he asked as they reached Greg’s car.

“It’s closer, is it not?” remarked Greg with a smirk. Jon nodded then the pair climbed in. The drive back seemed a lot longer to Jon, but he supposed it could’ve been the tension and Greg’s hand that had made its way awfully close to his crotch and massaged his thigh there. Thankfully it ended shortly once they reached Jon’s flat, the two got out of the car and Jon fiddled for his keys, Greg pressed very close against his back. “You're gonna look so beautiful with my cock stuffed so far up your tight little-”

“Okay we’re in!” Jon loudly interrupted Greg’s dirty whispers pushing open the door. Once the two were inside —and Jon had demanded Greg to take his shoes off— Greg pushed Jon against the wall and slotted their lips together. Jon moaned in surprise looping his arms around Greg’s neck. Jon then parted himself from Greg “I’ve um, never done this before” he mumbled.

“I figured that” laughed Greg. “But don’t worry I’ll be gentle.” Jon blushed then smashed their lips back together, hopping up as he felt Greg tap his thigh. He felt so small in Greg’s arms, pushed up against a wall groaning as Greg sucked little marks along his jaw and neck.

“Fuck, Greg, we should head to my room” he moaned.

“Good idea” Greg agreed, setting down Jon and letting himself be dragged the bedroom. They quickly tore off their shirts before sitting down onto the bed, Jon straddling Greg’s lap, gently grinding down “shit Jon, you’re so beautiful” grumbled Greg, causing Jon to blush harder than he already was.

“G-greg” Jon stuttered with arousal, trying to wiggle himself from his trousers. He cupped Greg through his pants eliciting a deep groan, “can I blow you” he said quickly, blushing furiously.

Greg stared for a moment “jesus christ Jon, get on your knees then,” Jon quickly followed Greg’s directions, sliding down to the floor onto his knees, fiddling with Greg’s belt buckle trying to undo it. “Hey” Greg gently pushed off Jon’s hands, unbuckling the belt himself, sliding down his trousers leaving his boxers on.

Jon leaned forwards, taking Greg’s pants off fully before mouthing at him through his underwear. He then pulled the boxers down, letting Greg’s dick spring out “oh fuck” breathed Jon. “You’re um, really big.”

“Thank you” chuckled Greg, stroking Jon’s cheek. “You’ll look good stuffed then.” Jon moaned, practically having to stop himself from coming just from that sentence. He lightly grasped the base if Greg’s cock before kitten-licking the slit, suckling softly on his tip. “Oh, that’s it Jon, good boy” gasped Greg, setting his hand on Jon’s head, not forcefully, just for encouragement. Jon leaned into Greg’s touch before taking some of his shaft into his mouth, the salty taste was not enjoyable, but not off putting either. He pushed down even farther, lightly gagging as the tip hit the back of his throat “woah there, don't push yourself to far” cooed Greg.

Jon pulled off panting, still lightly moving his hand that’s holding Greg’s dick “can we um, go a bit farther” mumbled Jon.

“What do you mean by that, sweetheart?” Questioned Greg, running his fingers through Jon’s hair.

“I uh- Iwantyoutofuckme” Jon gasped.

Greg choked at that. “Are you sure?” he asked.

“P-please” begged Jon, using Greg’s legs as support to push himself up to his feet. “I want it.”

“Lay down on the bed Jon, and get your trousers off” directed Greg. “And do you have condoms and lube?”

“There’s condoms in the bathroom, but I don’t have lube” answered Jon, pulling off his pants and underwear as he crawled onto his bed.

“Lotion will do then” said Greg going to get a condom. When Greg came back with a condom and a bottle of lotion he saw Jon sitting cross-legged on the bed “I’m not gonna be able to get anywhere when your legs are folded” he laughed. Jon blushed then uncrossed his legs, leaning back ever so slightly, steadying himself when the bed tipped from Greg moving in between his legs.

“What would you like me to do?” asked Jon.

“Lay back a bit more” answered Greg, lathering three of his fingers in the lotion he grabbed. “This might hurt a bit,” he warned as he pushed his middle finger into Jon’s hole.

Jon hissed at the intrusion, screwing shut his eyes and gripping slightly at the bedsheets “that feels weird” he panted.

“That happens, but you’re gonna have to relax for it to feel good” soothed Greg, moving his finger in deeper, wiggling it around a bit.

Jon tried relaxing himself, having someone finger him felt a lot different than fingering himself. “Your fingers are so much bigger than mine,” he moaned, fiddling with the sheets beneath him.

“Oh fuck, god you’re so hot Jon” groaned Greg as he slipped in a second finger causing Jon to let out a high-pitched whine.

“Ohhhh Greg” Jon moaned out, breathing heavily and cursing. He relaxed himself a bit more when he felt Greg crooked his fingers up, hitting and stroking at that spot somewhere in Jon that caused heat to flare through him, “Oh fuck!” He cursed, squeezing his thighs together and gripping the sheets. “Hnng Greg stop I’m gonna come” he moaned as the strokes against his prostate didn’t cease.

Greg nipped at Jon’s thighs, prying them apart to add a third finger into him, “just a bit longer, then I’ll stuff you so full of my cock you won’t be able to walk straight for days” he grinned as a loud whimper erupted from Jon’s mouth at the comment. Greg moved his fingers around in Jon, stretching him out as he fiddled with the condom; tearing open the package with his teeth and rolling it over his dick.

“Please fuck me” begged Jon, panting heavily and blushing even harder. He clenched lightly at the emptiness when Greg removed his fingers, lather his cock in lotion before lining it up and pushing in. “Oh fuck Greg” whined Jon as he felt his ass stretch as each inch of Greg pushed in farther. “You’re so big” he cried.

Greg moved Jon’s legs to wrap around his waist, “god you’re so tight” he grunted pushing in a bit roughly. “Fuck, if I’d know any earlier how much of a slut you are I would’ve wrecked you ages ago.” Jon squeaked and unconsciously rolled his eyes back when Greg thrusted himself in fully, feeling so full and tiny compared to the monster of a man around and inside of him.

“P-please mo-ove” stuttered Jon. Greg pulled back and started thrusting shallowly, not wanting to hurt Jon.

“You feel so good” moaned Greg. “So tight and tiny, like a wet little bitch” he punctuated the last three words with rough thrusts causing Jon to cry out. Greg looked down at Jon who was already looking positively wrecked, blushing a bright red from the tips of his ears down into his chest, his eyes blurry and unfocused, from them a small trickle of overwhelmed tears down his cheeks, “you look so good too, a pretty little toy just for me” he grinned and sped up his thrusts.

With each thrust Jon let out whiny, choked out moans, his eyes rolling back when Greg sped up some more, feeling blissed out and slightly overstimulated “fuck Greg” he whined.

“You gonna come?” smiled Greg pulling one of Jon’s legs from his waist to put it over his shoulder.

The change of angle caused Jon’s moans to louden “ooo yeah, I’m gonna come” he whimpered.

“Fuck yeah, come for me baby” Greg grunted, wrapping his hand around Jon’s cock and wanking him in time with his thrusts. “You’re so loud, so loud your neighbours must hate you, are you this loud for every man who fucks you or just me?”

“Ohhh, just you Greg only for you” Jon was so overwhelmed with tears streaming down his face, with one finally thrust from Greg he came all over his stomach and chest, letting out a wanton yell that was cut off from Greg slamming their mouths together in a wet, open-mouthed kiss. Greg continued thrusting through Jon’s orgasm chasing after his own, and trying to a bit quickly not wanting Jon to get too overstimulated.

“Fuck I’m gonna come Jon” he said before burying himself into Jon, coming hard into the condom. They laid together like that for a moment, catching their breaths, before Greg pulled out, letting down Jon’s legs and watching his asshole clench around nothing. He peeled off the condom and grabbed tissues from Jon’s bedside table to wipe Jon and himself down, “how are you feeling Jon?” Unable to use his voice.

Jon gave Greg a weak smile and a thumbs up, stretching out his legs and shaking them around “that was nice” he croaked.

“That’s good” said Greg, throwing away the tissues and gathering Jon’s his arm to cuddle.

“Can, um, can this happened again?” Jon asked shyly, drawing circles on Greg’s shoulders.

“I think I’d like that.”

“So would I.”

**Author's Note:**

> lemme tell you, when i realized i had written over 1,000 words worth of smut i was both sad and happy


End file.
